It’s happening again. I can feel the heat rising from my toes.
Here it goes.
I need to strip off. I’m too hot. Tiny droplets of sweat appear.
They’re here.
I can feel them slowly sliding down the middle of my back.
An attack.
A panic arises. Oh god, calm down. Breathe. Relax. You suck.
I’m out of luck.
I can’t concentrate. I’m too hot. My entire scalp is a puddle.
A muddle.
My mind ablaze with firey thoughts. My straightened hair curls.
They whirl.
The thoughts within are a minefield. This doesn’t make sense.
I’m tense.
All of me is dripping with sweat. Every single part of me. I’m soaking.
Not joking.
Oh god, calm down. It’s so bad I’ll need to wring out my clothes.
It shows.
Patches everywhere. Under my arms, across my stomach, down my spine.
Not fine.
Remember to breathe. Find me things to see, touch, count and smell.
Can you tell?
My eyes are wide, I struggle to ground myself. I’m falling down.
Will I drown?
I need water. Cold water. Down my throat. On my face.
A race?
I feel as though I’ve run a marathon. My heart is beating. Furious.
I’m curious.
How can anxiety cause me to feel so out of it? It’s insane.
My brain.
Tears now, fantastic. So drastic. No need to cry, you’re safe. Be calm.
An alarm.
Sounding in the middle of the darkness. I need light. This is horrid.
So Torrid.
Too hot. Too dry. Cotton wool fills my mouth and I struggle to cope.
I want to elope.
I want to be free of these feelings. These triggers. These reactions.
Kill the attraction.
Struggling to calm myself. Struggling to make any sense. All black.
An attack.
A panic arises. Oh god, calm down. Breathe. Relax. You’ve got this.
I’ve got this… I’VE GOT THIS…
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