ADHD - A Blessing?

A Writing Prompt

Hi readers, it’s been a while, I know, and I’m so sorry for the delay! But I’m back (hopefully for good) and have a lot of babblesome things to post 😂

So, I thought I’d start with a writing prompt from Humans With ADHD - a publication I now help to manage over on my blog at Medium.

Is ADHD a blessing and am I grateful for having it?

Short answer: Honestly, no.
I see many people speak of ADHD as if it’s their superpower. I even wrote a post about finding my ‘inner superhero’ but it doesn’t mean that I think it’s super to have ADHD.

ADHD can be debilitating. I wish “fight or flight” applied to me, but it doesn’t. I don’t fight or fly. I freeze. That’s no good to anybody, including me!

Add to this the emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitivity, oppositional defiance, issues with sensory processing, time blindness, stimming, hyperactivity, lack of focus, constant brain fog, oversharing, incessant babbling AND the inability to form coherent sentences when under any kind of pressure, my mind is a minefield of obstacles that I have to try and overcome. Every. Single. Day.

Not realising I have ADHD has meant that my ridiculous reactions to things, and the change in my attitude when I’m challenged has resulted in many an argument that I then sit and stew over for days, months, sometimes even years. Yes, I still think back to old arguments with people I don’t even speak to anymore (not because of said argument) and regret my choice of words, my harsh comebacks, my stubbornness.

People-pleasing has always been a big thing for me and, try as I might, I just can’t stop doing that either. It’s so exhausting and I don’t think many people, who don’t suffer from it, realise just how debilitating ADHD can be.

It’s hard. It’s tiring. It’s constant.

This isn’t meant to be a ‘woe is me’ piece.
This isn’t an ‘ADHD ruins my life’ piece either, because there are some elements to it that are handy to have. The big one is hyperfocus.

When it’s switched on for the right thing it means I can get what I need done in record time. If only I could harness this for completing tasks that I loathe, but that’s not how it works, haha.

I also, sometimes, like my babbling, it’s entertaining for most of my friends and I love to make people smile. My dad giggles at me a lot too, when I go off on a tangent about something I’m excited about. I love that.

Stimming is comforting, for the most part. Biting the skin around my nails isn’t, but feeling things, smelling things etc. always fills me with so much joy.

Hyperactivity, in the right setting, is also highly entertaining for those around me and, in those moments, I’m filled with absolute excitement and feel like nothing can bring me down.

But the ADHD is always there. All of these symptoms are constantly swapping and changing. I never know when I’ll switch from bouncy-loving-life-Kaz to the Kaz who doesn’t want to get out of bed. What’s even more ‘fun’ is when that happens intermittently over a 24hr period…

Not having yet received a diagnosis means I’m not getting any sort of help to manage these symptoms. Perhaps a diagnosis, with subsequent help, will mean that I’m able to manage these a heck of a lot better than I am at the moment.

Even if not, just knowing, for sure, that that’s what’s causing so much trouble for me mentally, might be enough to calm myself down a bit and stop thinking so badly of myself. We’ll soon see.

I dropped the forms off for an assessment this morning (that’s a story for another post) so step 1 finally completed ✅

Let’s see what happens next. I’m not expecting a cure-all, or even a response at this point, but I’m hopeful it’ll be the start of something positive, even if the journey is long, laborious and frustrating as heck (which, in all honestly, I think it will be…)

What are your thoughts on ADHD? Do you feel like it’s a blessing? A superpower? Or have I hit the nail on the head when it comes to dealing with this on a daily basis? Let me know in the comments 😊

Until next time,
KD x