Last night I found myself dealing with the all-too-familiar balancing act of dealing with chronic pain and a long overdue need of a serotonin boost. Do you know what I did?
I said stuff it. Stuff the pain, I’m getting my boost! What happened next, I hear you cry?
I had a fantastic night out, with great company. It was great to feel a little bit normal for a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m paying for it now but it was worth it.
Yesterday started like many other days do; late-to-bed, late-to-rise and a bit of an empty feeling. It didn’t last, thankfully, because I was soon reminded of my plans for the evening. I was going to see THE Sam Ryder of Eurovision fame.
I’ve been following Sam on Facebook since before he became the megastar he is now. A tag on one of his reels from one of my besties (hi Anff!) had me hooked. What an incredible singer. An incredible man!
If I remember correctly it was during, or just after, the second lockdown here in the UK and I was struggling, really struggling, with my mental health (more details about that in this post).
I didn’t realise how much I needed to discover this singer. If you don’t know who he is I implore you to look him up. Trust me, you won’t be sorry 😊)
An incredible live singer, a voice unrivaled by anybody else out there at the moment (in my opinion and, I’m sure, many others!) and quite simply one of the loveliest human beings on this planet. He interacts with his followers, always has a smile on his face and genuinely puts himself out there to make others feel great (as well as showcase his amazing talents, of course!) And it works.
Whenever I listened to him singing I instantly felt the much needed happiness I was desperately craving and, for those couple of minutes, I wasn’t wishing I was dead. That’s a bit blunt, isn’t it? But it’s true. And so my love for him has grown ever since.
It wasn’t a fix for my depression, and I still struggled immensely with suicidal thoughts, but the snippets of relief I felt when listening to him sing were just enough to keep me from falling deeper in to the hole I’d become so comfortable wallowing in.
Since those days (and it hasn’t been that long really, has it?) Sam has shot to superstardom — he was picked as the UK’s entry for Eurovision 2022 and came second. SECOND! We NEVER rank that highly apparently! (Last year was the first time I watched any bit of the Eurovision Song Contest and if Sam’s a judge this year I’ll be watching it all!)
What an achievement! He saw us in to the new year via the BBC with “Sam Ryder Rocks New Years Eve” and honestly, I couldn’t think of a better way to spend it — who needs alcohol and company when Sam’s on’t tele? 😍
Sorry, I’m turning in to a bit of a fangirl here, aren’t I. Back to the point of this post…
As soon as I remembered my plans for the evening a little bit of anxiety set in. What if I’m not well? What if the sheer excitement of the night’s upcoming event was enough to trigger a bout of pain and vomiting? It had happened before, after all.
I missed a gig for my favourite boyband for this very reason and I thought to myself ‘I’ll be damned if I miss Sam Ryder, too!’ So I had a word with myself (and my stomach, not that it ever listens to me, the ignorant so-and-so…) and decided that I was going regardless.
I popped every pill I could pop to ensure all symptoms were adequately covered for and got myself ready for the gig. We joined the queue (with a quick diversion to the shop for some food, as I’d realised I hadn’t eaten yet and needed something for the painkillers etc. to absorb into before it caused me a problem) and waited.
As I discussed with Anff and her partner how I’d had Sam’s album on repeat since it was released, I said something along the lines of “you can never have too much Sam Ryder!” to which the lady behind us in the queue agreed. Hello, new friend!
Now, usually, I’m so freakin’ nervous when I have to speak to strangers, but the sheer excitement of the gig, and my incredible talent of being able to fake it ‘til I make it in certain situations, meant I was more than happy to start a conversation.
Our mutual love for Sam also helped tons (ten tons) because I knew, from the offset, that she understood just how excited I was, and I wouldn’t come across as weird. Sort of, haha. My heart may have been pounding until the nerves settled down but I’m glad I made the effort to speak.
And I’m so glad I did. The night was incredible. Sam was AMAZING (a-a-a-mazing…) and so were his support acts. Although I did experience quite a bit of pain waiting for the main man, it was wiped (for the majority of the time) as soon as he stepped on to the stage.
The stomach and back aches were numbed, I could feel the music and voices throughout the night wash over me like a natural painkiller and the serotonin. Oh, the serotonin. It was magical!
There were blips in between sets (there’s only so much Abba I can listen to before it gets tiring and stops distracting me from pain 😂) where I had to essentially ‘slut-drop’ to combat the aches and pains that were twinging across my entire torso, but I battled through 😊
(if you don’t know what a ‘slut-drop’ is, it’s basically bending your legs so you’re sat on your feet, arching your back a little then standing back up — I didn’t do it sexily, though! No, no. Nothing was pushed out seductively — on either end of my body. Trust me! And it certainly wasn’t done quickly, as one would do if wanting to flaunt their assets. Haha… assets… *Ahem* anyway…)
We were also introduced to a wonderful support band called Tors — from Devon, they advocate for mental health — with members of the band suffering with depression and anxiety — openly admitting so on stage and offering their support to all of us in the audience if needed.
I thought this was particularly lovely of them, offering to respond to anyone who sends them a message if they’re feeling low or need to reach out to someone.
They’re a guitary band, more rock than pop, and the lyrics in their songs are so meaningful and relatable. I think I feel a new obsession coming on… 👀 Here I am meeting them after the gig!
All in all, like I said, it was an incredible night and I left with a new friend to boot. Donna is a fellow writer (of books) and I look forward to reading her work soon!
I’m paying for it a little now but I haven’t suffered as badly as I could have — there’s been no excruciating pain and no sign of throwing up so I’m taking that as a win. I am, however, aching all over and will be taking it easy for the next couple of days to be on the safe side.
Until next time, I’ll leave you with this embarrassing photo of myself and… You guessed it… SAM RYDER! (Who took the time to greet everybody in the queue before the show — he even said hi to me directly! Squeeeee — can you tell how excited I was?!)
KD x